I’m going back to the vault for this entry.  You may remember my blog from a year ago chronicling the birds around both my apartment and workplace.  They always seemed to find a way to get the best of me.  They antagonized me, mocked me, and sensed my fear.  I won’t say if the picture above has anything to do with the birds and I getting along better, but I wonder if they make those suitable for apartment patios?  How about a portable set that I can take with me when I enjoy an outdoor meal at Rick’s Boatyard?  This is like the electric fences for pets in your yard (if today we’re opposite day), only it’s obviously visible and almost seems surreal.    I’m also not sure if they’re really for birds, or for people climbing the fence.  All I do know is, I feel a lot more comfortable walking to my car knowing that when I turn the corner, a bird isn’t going to smack me in the face a la Fabio.

For an archived version of my run-ins with birds, click the link below:

http://rtv6blogs.com/rtv6_boustheory/2008/08/21/hey-birds-leave-me-alone/

Next up for me is the swirling bees outdoor at La Hacienda.  They come at you STRONG like the 2000 Baltimore Ravens D.  Growing up, people always said not to mess with bees or they will sting you.  I can honestly say that I’ve NEVER been stung by a bee when I was messing with it or trying to swat it.  Every bee-sting I’ve had have been of the sneak attack variety.  Insects always come at you with one initial agitator.  One bee will fly around your table, glance over the table behind you, and then maybe fly low towards your plate.  It’s not until it flies towards your face or in your food that the true agitation begins. 

As soon as you think you’ve thwarted off the initial bee, a couple more come back and start swirling.  Before you know it, you’ve got two bees sucking down what’s left of your Coke Classic, two more ruining the rest of your enchilada, and another two swirling in your face.  Quite possibly the only thing worse than flying towards your face is when you hear the annoying buzzing sound right in your ear.  It makes me cringe all day long. 

In the end, use your disgression with bees.  Mess with them, don’t mess with them, either way they’re going to annoy you while you try to eat a nice outdoor meal in August or September. 

In next week’s Bous Theory:  How to trap that pesky squirrel that’s stuck above your ceiling AND How NOT to react when you go to your apartment complex dumpster and come face to face with a raccoon.

This is a public service announcement brought to you by the Bous Theory.  Guys, it’s time to put in your two week notice to your lady friends/wives.  That’s right, just two more weeks until college football gets kicked off (obviously, I started this entry last week).  This means college football will consume you for the 12 following weeks or so and you better give your significant other a heads up.  It’s just the right thing to do. 

Ladies, if you love football, you’re awesome.  If not, it’s time for you to really milk this final weekend in August.  That’s right, now is the time to drag your man to Homegoods, rent a two-seater bike, finally go see “The Ugly Truth”, and go ahead and get your mums ready for the fall.  Guys, I’m just telling you, you better put in your time now to avoid the pink slip later.  Trust me, I’ve lived it!

If you’re married or have been in a relationship through multiple (at least 5) football seasons, you can probably just quit reading now.

If you continued reading (and I’m hoping you all did), here’s some food for thought:

Guys - If you love football and your girl says she’s fine with you watching, you better put her to the true test on September 5th.  A lot of girls will say they’re fine with football, but you really have to test them right from the beginning.  It’d be like me saying that I love cats on my first date.  The true test includes starting your morning off with College Gameday.  It gets you in the mood, you learn some knowledge, and your girl may think that you’re nuts.  Follow-up gameday with a quick trip to your local Qdoba for a burrito and chips, and then settle in for the noon game.  Generally speaking, the noon games aren’t very good, but for IU fans this is where we make our home.  The noon game tends to be one that you sort of half-watch while doing other things.  By other things, of course I mainly mean, surfing the internet or going to the gas station to buy a 24 oz. Coke Classic. 

The 3:30 pm (EST) games tend to be the best of the bunch.  You typically can’t go wrong with any of these games, even in Week One.  Guys that truly go through this test will order delivery food towards the end or at the end of the 3:30 game.  I’m not saying you have to, but that was how the initial test was made up.  Pizza, Keystone Sports Review, and Jimmy John’s would all be suitable, but I’d say the unhealthier the better.  Obviously, you then tune in to Saturday Sports Xtra on RTV6 between 7p and 8pm while you take down about 15 wings and nachos.  If you’re really crazy, you’ll ask her to go run Post and Fade routes in the backyard either before or after dinner.  At that point, she’ll wonder why you haven’t left the house since Qdoba, so let me know how that goes. 

By the time you’re done cleaning up, there will be some primetime games for your choosing.  If you make it through all of this, you’re in the clear.  Your girl is true to her word and doesn’t care that you spent an entire Saturday staying inside watching games.  My studies (a one person focus group) tell me that there’s absolutely no way you will make it through that.  Maybe on a 30 degree rain-filled day in November, but even then I bet you’re watching reality tv (not of your choosing) during most of that time. 

Ladies – If you enjoy your weekends with your man, but don’t enjoy football, let him know on that very first Saturday.  It may cause a stir at first, but at least you set the ground rules.  If the guy is set on spending the whole day inside, your best bet may be to get him away from the game when he heads to lunch after College Gameday.  Conveniently volunteer to drive to lunch and then conveniently drive the long way past the Canal (or enter your outdoorsy activity here).   If you get him to see other couples out there, you might have a shot.  You’ll have to be careful with this tactic, as it could be considered kidnapping in some states. 

In the long run, if you put your foot down in the beginning, a compromise will HAVE to be made.  This will most likely lead to the guy having to pick just one game (two if he’s really lucky) to watch.  If you’re stern enough, football may be an afterthought.

Guys- If the previous scenario comes to fruition, you’re going to have to really plan your day around which game you want to watch.  Above I mentioned that the noon games are typically bad.  If your favorite team isn’t playing in the timeslot, I recommend steering clear of any games until at least 3:30.  If you think you’re going to be able to squeeze two games in, just realize it’s probably only going to be one.  In other words, don’t press your luck. 

How do you get past that?  Recommend doing yardwork together.  You’ll both get to enjoy the beautiful fall weather, will actually accomplish something productive on a weekend, and there’s nothing better than a mid-afternoon nap.  The trick??  You don’t actually fall asleep.  Time your yardwork duties so that you’re heading back inside around 4:30 or 5pm EST.  You’ll be golden to watch the entire 2nd half of the 3:30pm game.  If you picked the 8pm game as your game to watch, you win in the end! 

Ladies – Forget that I ever wrote that last paragraph!  Get it out of your heads as quickly as I just had my man card revoked.  On a lighter note, don’t forget to milk this final weekend.  You’re on your own once the NFL starts. 

Most everything is a negotiation and compromise.  One thing that’s non-negotiable is that a happy wife is a happy life!   

Edit:  Another rule that I’d like to put in effect is the +1 rule.  Here’s how the +1 rule works:  My favorite team is Indiana.  Because they’re my favorite team, their game doesn’t actually count as the one that I chose for the day (Assuming I only get one).  Basically, they’re game chose ME.  If IU plays at noon and then I want to watch the Florida-LSU game, the +1 goes into effect.  I’m covered both ways.

Please share the compromises that you’ve made.  Just share them in the comments portion of this blog.

If you haven’t read volume 1 of jersey etiquette, scroll down just a tad. 

Bobby Womack brought up a great point that needs to be added to the jersey etiquette files:  When attending a live game, do NOT wear a jersey of a team that’s not even playing.  Before the Colts were today’s Colts, the Hoosier Dome used to be littered with Dan Marino, Brett Favre, or Chicago Bears gear.  Folks, if your squad isn’t playing, don’t represent the jersey.  If your team isn’t playing, it’s the appropriate time to break out the polo and jeans and relax. 

It used to drive me nuts when I worked for the Colorado Rockies when the Cubs fans would come out in droves.  It wasn’t the fact that Cubs fans were filling up Coors Field, it was the fact that the Cubs weren’t playing.  I can deal with a hat, but why wear the full garb, jersey included?

We’ll call this portion of the etiquette files the Womack Rule.  Here’s Bobby in his own words:

***************************

See how easy that is?  Bobby Womack sends in a solid comment, and gets his own rule established.  I’ll be constantly adding to this jersey constitution, so leave your comment today!

An abridged version of this entry appeared in the August 14th edition of IT Happened, a weekly newsletter.  If you would like to be added to the email list to receive this newsletter, please email me at chad_bouslog@wrtv.com

With training camps and 2-a-days beginning for all levels of football a couple of weeks ago, it’s time to discuss a vital part of the game:  Fans wearing jerseys.  For a solid three-year period of my life, I basically wore basketball jerseys every day of the year.  Todd Day, Kenny Anderson, Anfernee Hardaway, Chris Webber, Larry Johnson, Nick Van Exel, Charles Barkley (Suns) were a few of the guys that I emulated.  It wasn’t until 1999, however, that I was introduced to the football jersey; receiving a Colorado Buffaloes replica as a Christmas gift.

As a 27-year old kid, errrr man, I still will rock a jersey to every game that I attend.  This leads me to a question:  When are you too old to wear a jersey to a football game?

I pose this question as if it was debatable, but the answer is easy:  NEVER!!  If you go to any live football game or are at a bar watching the games with friends, a jersey should be THE standard dress code.  Like a Mr. Potato Head, jerseys are good for ages 2 and up (Probably even 1, if you’ve got a big baby.)

This does not mean that you can just slap on any jersey and be on your way.  Like holding in gas on dates 1 through 8, jerseys come with a simple form of etiquette:

*  Find a jersey that fits your size and personality.  I don’t just mean L or XL.  What position would you play if you were in the NFL?  If you’re size of an offensive lineman, go get that starting left tackle’s jersey! 

* Stay away from the personalized jerseys!  We’ve all seen the Smitty #69 jerseys at games.  We’ve all walked away unimpressed.  If you want to put the name on the back of your jersey, go join an adult softball or bowling league. 

* Dare to be different.  With free agency and non guaranteed contracts, jerseys can be a high risk purchase.  Don’t let that scare you.  You never know when your dusty Albert Bentley jersey will make hundreds of people’s day in the stadium (Okay, so maybe it would just make mine).  Examples on this year’s Colts roster would be:  Jerraud Powers #49 or Phillip Wheeler #50.  You’ll stand out if you go this direction, and have the added benefit of striking gold if the guy pans out.

* Don’t underestimate the name and number and the level of “coolness” that provides.  For me personally, this is what makes receivers and defensive backs jerseys so attractive.  This is where my theory, Dare to be different, from above fails.  The #49 is an awful look for a jersey.  At least Powers looks cool on the back.

* It is okay to buy a jersey of another franchise other than your favorite.  This does not mean that you are a fan of that team, no matter what anyone says.  The Bous Theory states that this means you are a fan of the JERSEY, not the team.  Again, we’re talking jersey etiquette, not team etiquette.  I’m contimplating buying a Darrius Heyward Bey jersey for this upcoming season.  Loyal reader, Bobby Womack, purchased a 49ers Michael Crabtree jersey which has potential to be an unbelievable buy.  Already a cool number and jersey, Crabtree is talking about holding out which would add all kinds of talking points when he wears the jersey out.  If Crabtree never plays a down for the 49ers, Bobby will be one of a very few (if not the only person) people in Indiana to own that jersey.  That ranks high on the Bous Theory’s list of purchasing a jersey and segways into the next bullet point…..

* Always, ALWAYS compliment a rare of cool jersey.  Like a simple hand wave when someone lets you merge into traffic, this is just the thing to do.  I always make a habit of complimenting these when I’m out and it makes you feel like a million bucks when someone else recognizes yours.  Remember the latter statement the next time you’re out or at a game.

If you’ve got more rules of jersey etiquette to apply, please let me know in the comment section.

And remember, as you wake up from a rough Saturday night saying, “I’m too old for this”, you’re never too old to rock a jersey!

My car hunting vacation is now complete, so I’m back to doing what I do:  Writing average blog entries.  Once the emails starting pouring in about my absence (all 2 of them) I knew that you were due for some Friday morning reading material.  It’s been well documented that I’ve been in the market for a new car.  Since my stress level usually hovers below the Mendoza line, this new car hunt easily had me stressing at a Ted Williams pace.  I’m not sure if it was the $2800 that I owed for over mileage on my lease, or if it was, okay yeah I’m thinking it might have been the over mileage. 

The main trigger was that I had been thinking all along that they could roll that money into my new car payment.  Yeah it sucks, but hey, that’s what I get for being the antithesis of my Great Grandma when it comes to putting miles on cars.  Come to find out, this was not really an option for me, thus I would have to pay that cash out of pocket.  This is where I insert what I would like to say to the scenario I was in (this also doubles as the greatest sports soundbite of all-time):

I guess you’ll just have to click on this link because I can’t figure out how to embed it. 

You don’t realize how mad I am at myself for not being able to paraphrase Moss when talking to the dealership.  Either way, it put me in a bad spot and also a major time crunch.  I went from thinking I had all kinds of time to not having a new rig with 24 hours to spare before the lease ran out. 

Like a general manager of an MLB team striking a deal right at the deadline, I came to terms with another ‘06 Jeep Cherokee right under the deadline.  Whereas, GM’s have the luxury of having other players, yours truly would have been stuck riding a bike with a bent rim.

I left the dealership feeling as if I just got ripped off.  To be honest, I’m sure I did.  I’ll spare you the details so I don’t get made fun of. 

Warranties, interest, over mileage payments, identity protection, and a bent rim just kind of all ran together.  The finance guy might as well have been showing me a picture menu from McDonald’s I was so late in the game.  

See, here’s the chicken Mcnuggets, $3.59 for a #6, $.10 for BBQ sauce, large value meal add $0.50, ohh and there’s $1,000.  Not sure what that goes towards.

All in all, I’ve got a new rig and am ready to hit the open road.  I just hope I remember what it looks like when I head out to the parking lot.