Secretary Of Make A Decision Already: We’re on, like, Day Five of wondering whether Hillary Clinton will be the next Secretary of State. Seriously, this is getting annoying. What do you think she’ll do?

Aaaaaaaargh, Mateys: United States to pirates: “Yeah, whatever. Take over other people’s ships. We don’t care.”

Sex, Lies, And Old News: I do not care about the call girl who brought down former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer. Neither should you.

They Do Not Have VCRs In Minnesota: Republican U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Delusional) is still crazy all these weeks after she told MSNBC’s Chris Matthews that she wanted the media to investigate anti-American members of Congress.

And On The Third Day, God Created A Legal Loophole: The Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles crafts a cutesy way to allow a litigious woman to keep her godly license plate but fails to answer the question of why we can have free “In God We Trust” plates but can’t put spiritual messages on personalized plates. Wouldn’t this all be much easier if we kept religion out of it and just let people express themselves through cheesy bumper stickers?