“Perfect” Balance
I hope some of you will get a smile and maybe an idea or two out of my special report. The topic of parenting is endless, and I realize this is only one small trend among an infinite number of ways people today are trying to find balance.
The idea of the “in-between mom” - who’s acting in many ways like a stay-at-home mom, yet finding ways to keep a career and income going - has fascinated me for quite some time. 60-percent of moms today say they WANT part-time-work, ideally. But most moms who work, do it more-or-less full time, because they need the pay or benefits, or can’t find something in their field that they can do on shorter or more flexible hours.
And dads - please don’t think I don’t realize that many of you are also doing backbends to take care of your families along with your careers. This piece is focused mainly on moms because the topic is part-time schedules, and research shows women are much more likely to see part-time work.
I always love seeing how other working parents juggle their schedules. If you have a unique job-situation that’s working well for you - or if you want to vent about why yours leaves you feeling OUT of balance -here’s your chance!! I welcome any and all comments.
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Trisha - I am so glad that you are doing this special on working moms. We know the Burrous’ as we met their family at the clinic that Justin goes to. Also - my sister-in-law has emailed you before. Her name is Laura Keane from Des Moines, Iowa. My husband, son, and I are also from Des Moines and moved to Indy 3 years ago. Anyway, just wanted to say “hi!” Welcome to Indy and I am sooo excited to watch the show tonight at 7!
Jade
Good story. I have spent the past five years balancing kids, work and law school (out of state). It’s not easy but I have had great support from my family, friends, and work associates. My plan for the future is to continue to work just under full-time and still care for the kids as would a stay-at-home mom. Luckily I do not need benefits and my husband has a rotating schedule which allows him to be home with the kids about 2 days during the week. So the days that he is off during the week, I work full days. The days that my husband has to work, I spend the morning with the kids, get them off to school and grandma and work the rest of the afternoon and we meet daddy at home just in time for family dinner. Sometimes it is difficult to balance it all but in the end it is very rewarding. My daughter sees that there are options in life and you make what you want of it. There will never be a perfact balance but the trick is to try to plan one week at a time and make sure that you include meaningful family time and also some alone time.
Not to long ago, approx. 7 months, I was going to school, taking care of my mother (alcoholism) whom was going down hill fast and between my sister and I we did what most would think unreal. I worked 40 hours a week, went to school and took care of my mom about 4-6 hours a night and my 2 children and husband. My sister worked part-time and has three children, 2 of whom are special needs. And she also helped with our mother. I also was doing my best to help with out Aunt, my husbands aunt, when she had such tradgedy hit, she lost her daughter, our cousin and her husband, our uncle within a year of each other. I then was challenged not too long before that when my father-in-law had a stroke and had neurological brain surgery and back surgery to correct some difficulties. I felt as if I was being pulled in so many directions, sleep was not an option and my family was paying the price. I had to stop and take a breather. I put school on hold, helped my mother get better and father-in-law get better. This was made all the more difficult because my mother-in-law is handicapped. And during all this ordeal my in-laws and children walked in on a robber in their home. I am glad to report that my mother and my father-in-law are much better. My children are now happier, and my husband in the mist of all of this has just receieved his black belt in karate. Wow how do the mom’s do it!!!! We should all have more than one special day for us.
Thank you
Melissa Montgomery
Trisha,
Great piece on multi-tasking moms! I am sure there are many of us and it’s good to hear how other moms manage. I started a business that I started for pregnant and new moms (Eve Alexander is a line of maternity and nursing lingerie and clothing that our customers call “Victoria’s Secret” for pregnancy and nursing; our line is sold at Target.com and over 100 boutiques in the US and worldwide). At the same time as running the business I am finishing up my MBA at Indiana University. I have a 4 year old and a 10 month old. I don’t have nannies, housekeepers, etc. I work from home a lot; my children are bilingual; I have home-made meals most nights.
It’s the challenge and the fun of it that makes us strive for more and drives us. If you would like to feature me and my company in any of your segments, please feel free to contact me! Thank you and good luck!
Thanks for the comments and for sharing the stories. I am amazed all the time at what people are capable of. As I mentioned in the piece, it’s hard to feel sorry for yourself when you meet someone going through a challenge 10 times huger.
I did get one very unpleasant note tonight from a single mom disappointed that I did not include any single moms in this story. (sometimes I function like a single mom since my husband travels an awful lot, but that’s a different story!) While there are countless stories of single moms performing heroics to take care of their families, I could only include a couple of examples in my piece (I wish they’d give me enough time for a documentary!) If your particular type of parenting situation wasn’t represented in this piece, it DOES NOT mean I find it any less impressive or valid!
Thanks for taking time to watch and give feedback!
Trisha
Just wanted to let you know that I worked as a medical office manager for 25 yrs. I had my son while employed with my first boss who was absolutely wonderful and very family oriented. Subsequent situations were not the same and I could no longer keep up the 60-80 hr work weeks. We have relocated to this area and I work in a different industry that is more accomodating to our family, with regular work hours. A bonus, I actually get benefits and overtime with this job. A double sweet. I definitely do not regret our decision to move to this area.
After our son was born, my husband and I made it a priority that at least one of us be at home at all times. We tried sending him to daycare, but it just didn’t feel right for us. I am currently a full-time college student, and I work PT on the weekends at a local gym, where I can take my son with me (I work in the childcare area). After I graduate, I am planning on a career as a professor, and I will aim for teaching Internet classes whenever possible, so I will be able to spend more time at home. My husband works second shift; he was offered first, but we both feel that it is better this way so that he can be at home with our son while I am in class. Of course, this means that we “tag team” it at the door on most days, but because we have created such flexibility in our schedules, we are able to find together time at night, after he comes home from work. Thanks for covering this; there are many people out there who think we are crazy for doing things the way that we are, but it works for us, and it is nice to know that there are other people out there with priorities similar to ours. We are expecting our second child in a few weeks, and we will continue to do things the way that we have thus far.
Trisha,
Thanks for the story. I think it’s important for Mom’s to do what they can to be involved with their children at every available opportunity. I’ve been working in my field now since I graduated college. I’ve held positions at various levels, including management and part-time work from home. I am now working in a position that is rewarding to me professionally and personally. I have a great boss, who is very understanding of family needs. I am fortunate to work for such a boss-who allows me the flexibility that I need to be the best Mom that I can be. In return, I am able to be very productive at work. It’s a win-win situation. The key for me was to find a position that was rewarding to me on both a professional and a personal level. That enabled me to go to work every day and do something that I REALLY enjoy and then come home to my other job, the most important job: Mommy!
Jane -
Ok, you’ve definitely got me impressed! Sounds like your juggling act is working pretty well! I will keep you in mind, as I hope to do future stories on other aspects of parenting.
Sarah - I couldn’t deal with 60-80 hour weeks either. I am very glad to hear you have found something that works better for you.
I hope you’ll tune in tomorrow night at 7 for part two - and more discussion afterwards!
Trisha
Hi Trisha-
I am a working mother of two very active little boys, ages 7&9 yrs old. I used to work full time but realized it was really hard to keep up a full time work schedule and a full time family schedule. I have a great boss and a wonderful husband, which allows me to job share as a dental asst. and only work 3 days a week. With this schedule I feel I can help with household finances, and be there when my boys get home form schoo. My boys are the most important people in my life and if I can possibly do both, someday they might understand what I do is mainly for them. Thank you for your piece on working moms. It was great. By the way welcome to Indiana your doing great!!!
Hello Trisha my name is Fadumo and I believe family has to come first.I have four children.I’m also working mother at home my job required talking on phone because I am phone interpretor.My children two are in school and two stay home with me.But I’ll tell you what this is my favorite job because I get to stay home with my children and work without leaving home.Good luck all the mothers who is trying to rise family.
Hi Trisha,
Thank you so much for your story on working moms. My best friend and I started S.A.H.M (stay at home moms) Administrators LLC, earlier this year as a result of wanting to make income as stay at home moms we started this administrative company helping small businesses and their owners with their administrative needs. We have been fortunate to be very successful. When receive more jobs than we can handle amongst the two of us we hire more S.A.H.M.’s. We have created a data based of professional and semi-professional moms wanting to work from home or during their children’s school hours. We were recently featured in the Indianapolis Star after hosting the Indianapolis Home Based Business Fair. We would love the opportunity to share more about S.A.H.M. Administrators with you and other moms!
Crystal Dunn
http://www.sahmadmin.com
Thank you for a wonderful story! I am a Beauticontrol “sister” and I firmly believe that women can have it all and achieve balance in their lives. It is wonderful to see a story such as this one that lets women know there are choices out there for them!
Christy
Perspective - yes. I have been trying to find that elusive balance for almost 10 years! When my children were 2, 3 and 4 I found myself on the receiving end of a divorce, beginning law school as a night student (a four year committment) and working for a Judge. Most of my work for the Judge could be done from home, thanks to on-line references. Classes were every night for a few hours (we got four or five weeks off during the summers). After putting the kids in bed every night, I studied until 1 and 2 in the morning in order to be available for my young children during their waking hours and to afford time to work. I finished school and started studying for the bar exam. I listened to study tapes on my headphones while cutting the grass, etc.; multi-tasking was the key! I had to maximize my chore/study time in order to devote more quality time to my kids (they were 6, 7 and 8 at this time). Six years later, I now work for a family oriented law firm and I have a successful practice. Still a single parent, I am available to get my kids on the bus in the morning and I’m home at a reasonable hour to cook, do homework, taxi, etc. They are pre-teen and teens now and they are great kids! Sure, I have felt inadequate because I couldn’t be the room-mom at school, volunteer to go on every field trip, be at every sports event, etc., but I know my kids have and will continue to benefit from our path through life while I have tried to “balance”. I believe they have benefited by seeing my work ethic (school and career), striving and realizing a goal and that they do and will continue to emulate the same dedication in their goals and ventures. The balance between work and children is different for each family. I found it through support of family and friends and through the sacrifice of sleep and a social life (there will be time for this later; the kids are only little for a short time). We can’t avoid the cards that life deals to us; but we can put on a good poker face and admire our winnings later!
Keep pushing forward!
I want to add that I became a family law attorney as a result of my experiences. Someone very wise said to me “your past is a reflection of your future.” Despite being legal counsel to women walking the same path that I walked, I am dispensing life advice on juggling kids, work, chores and divorce. I never saw myself as someone to give life advice, but I am thrilled to help my clients see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel and instill courage and motivation in them. Let’s not forget, during this season of Thanksgiving, that we can all give back to others who haven’t found balance yet.
I am blown away by all your creative juggling acts! It is so inspiring to hear from so many hard-working moms in so many unusual schedules. JA - you really bowled me over with your “mowing while listening to study tapes” system!
It reminds me of my “rehearsal time” for my upcoming performance at the Circle of Lights. I sing every moment I’m in the car - my moving studio!
Today in between cleaning up a lunch mess and trying to get my 2-year-old down for a nap, I had a photographer over to my house to film a couple more shots for tonight’s piece.
There is a constant pull between my two jobs, but as many of you point out, the bigger picture is what counts. I hope you’ll all watch again tonight and give more feedback!
Take care of yourselves.
Trisha
I am envious of those mothers who have the opportunity to try the balancing act. I am without work. I did the balancing with my children until they were of age to be on their own. Then I went full force into the work force. Since then I’ve become a grandmother who has taken up the slack for my children. They have not been fortunate with an understanding employer, and was dismissed from a position because of one childs doctor appointments. Now they seem to have it under control, and I can’t get a job since I’ve been out of work for a year, and I am now 45. So I am envious to have that opportunity again.
Good luck to you, Kim. I think the enormous role grandparents are playing in helping raise their grandchildren is another topic worth exploring in a special report. What a gift you’ve given your children and grandchildren!