What Would Supernanny Do? (WWSD)
Tonight (Thursday) is the night for my Supernanny report, and I’m hoping to hear from some of you!
Do you ever feel like YOU need a Supernanny to help you figure out a parenting nightmare? Any of her techniques work for you? Or not? Ever find yourself wondering - what would Supernanny do?
Her real name is Jo Frost, and she was recently in town working with a Noblesville-area family for the ABC reality show. I jumped at the chance to interview her! I was a bit surprised by how serious Jo seemed that day, until I really thought about exactly what it is she does, week after week, for the past four years. She immerses herself in disastrously chaotic families, and tries to fix them. It was clear to me that Jo considers it a sort of calling to educate today’s families through her show. She’s no mere entertainer. She takes her job as a role-model quite seriously, and realizes just how many families are desperate for the firm but loving guidance that she can offer.
Anyway, since we met, I feel like Jo Frost is my own personal Jiminy Cricket, sitting on my shoulder, 
prodding me to do the right thing with my two kids. Clara (2)throws a tantrum about going to bed - what would Supernanny do?? My little rock-star Calvin (5) insists on “rocking out” to just one more song with his brand new gold Les Paul-style electric guitar (yep, it had to be THAT exact one - he’s a picky guy!), when we should have 
been out the door to school 5 minutes ago. How would Jo respond? I say don’t sweat the small stuff, but it can sure feel bigger when you’re in a hurry!!
I like to think Ian and and I do a pretty good job being firm but flexible, loving but structured. I’ve read quite a bit about Alpha Moms vs. Beta Moms. I have to a realization: In some ways I would love to be an Alpha - kids perfectly dressed and groomed, Betty-Crocker-style meals perfectly planned and executed, the house neat, peaceful, quiet, calm and orderly. (I can hear my drummer husband laughing)
But that’s fantasy. I’ve now learned that my family functions best when I make a few Type-A plans for good luck, then adopt Ian’s “Type-B”, laid-back and “roll with the punches” approach.
(
See Exhibit A: Calvin beaming after sticking his face in a cake. WWSD? Not sure, but I laughed hysterically and told him to go give his dad a kiss on the cheek.)
And while I know we’re in better shape than most of Supernanny’s clients, there are certainly moments when I’m glad there’s no camera catching the chaos that sometimes erupts as the Shepherds try to have a meal, or get out the door.
I’ll look forward to hearing your thoughts about your lives, your styles… and the Superanny approach!
Trisha
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I think we as moms tend to beat ourselves up a lot. Only part of the time is it justified. The good news is, kids are very resilient. I have one who is now in college, and doing fairly well, in spite of the many mistakes I made! (Hallelujah!)
That is not to say we are completely off the hook. I have a child with anger issues. A book that has helped me a lot is “The Heart of Anger” by Lou Priolo. It has caused me to think about the differences between acceptable and unacceptable anger. It also helped me to think about ways I might unintentionally provoke anger in my child.
BTW, Trisha, by revealing a little about yourself, many of your viewers can relate to you. Thanks!
Shelley -
Thanks for the feedback! I’m sure you’re right that we parents second-guess ourselves too much. That book sounds interesting. I also found a lot of great ideas in a book called “The Explosive Child.” I haven’t met many toddlers who AREN’T explosive, at least once in a while, but these gentle techniques seem to work well on many types of assertive little personalities.
I’m always glad to reveal a little of my personal stories if they can help others feel less alone, and gain a new perspective on something they’re going through. I’m glad to have a chance to report on parenting issues from time to time - I will never tire of learning from other parents’ stories!
Take care of yourself!
Trisha
Trisha,
Thanks for having Jo on the news. I really enjoy watching her and getting her ideas. I have tried a few of her ideas.
I am a mother of three girls ages 7,5,3
I need all the advice i can get!!
Will she be in Carmel Indiana?
Michelle
Michelle -
3 girls so close in age - what a wonderful and busy family you must have! I hope they are good at sharing!
Jo has already come and gone from her assignment near Noblesville. You might want to check out her website - it has tons of really helpful parenting advice and ideas! http://www.supernanny.us.com/
Thanks for taking time out of your busy evening to write.
Trisha
Trisha,
Great job on the newscast with Todd in general and the supernanny story specifically.
On a separate note, just one piece of advice from a former Indiana highschool b-ball kid……I overheard you say on Friday’s newscast you can’t wait until baseball season??
I know you meant to say basketball..right? Here in the Hoosier state with Purdue, IU, Butler, our tradition, March Madness around the corner etc… you couldn’t possibly have meant baseball?
Take a page from Todd, I’ve seen him mimic his jumpshot on program before when swinging it over to sports! He knows what’s up!
Keep up the great work Trish,
Benjamin
Nice to hear from you, Benjamin!
Nope - you heard right - BASEBALL! I was really referring to the warmer weather, not so much the sport. Nothing against basketball - I appreciate that sport and its history too - but I’m a longtime baseball fan and now a t-ball mom, and I can’t wait to sit out in the bleachers in short sleeves and watch the kids (and the Indians too) play ball!
Certainly I’m allowed to have a favorite sport without offending all the others, right?
In the meantime, I will definitely enjoy March Madness - it’s starting so soon!
Trisha
This is one of those moments where you really cherish your career and the opportunities it affords you! What a neat person to meet and have a chance to chat with. What I love about Jo is that, in all interviews that I’ve seen with her, she is truly focused on bettering families. She doesn’t care about being on TV… it’s about making families better for kids.
I’m totally a Beta Mom. I also work full time and I think you have to be willing to let things slide in order to have time for the important things. If I focus solely on running a perfect household, where does that leave my kids?
And the cake on the face is perfect! I’m a big believer in kids making MESSES!!
None of us are perfect- we are all just trying to do the best we can. Which is why it is so important to support one another in this parenting quest! Sites like IndyMoms.com and other online forums and websites like Jo’s are so helpful… my mom has frequently said that she wished she could have had the resources that we have today.
Trisha
I have been out of town. Did I miss the episode of SupperNanny with the Indiana family? I enjoy Jo’s advice and often watch the show with my own children. My husband and I actually had a discussion last night about a technique I would like to try that I see quite frequently on her show.
Thanks!
Jennifer -
The Indiana episode has not aired yet, and we don’t have the date yet but I’ll keep you posted!
You can still see my Supernanny interview piece on theindychannel.com. Look for the “Video” box on the upper right corner of the homepage, click “All video” and scroll down until you see it.
I’m curious - which technique are you going to try? If it’s the bedtime routine I tried it and have some revisions that worked better for us…let me know if you happen to check back and see this!
Liz -
Good to hear words of reassurance from a fellow Beta Mom! I also love all the books, websites, and resources available now.
Still, sometimes nothing beats a good talk with a friend who’s also a mom. One of my closest friends (A mother of 5!) makes a huge point out of congratulating me for all the good parenting decisions I make, reminds me I’m doing a good job, etc. I try to do the same for her and others.
Of course the job of parenting has enormous inherent rewards, but it means SO much to hear someone you care about really take notice of how hard you’re trying to do a great job with your kids.
So pat yourself on the back for all YOU do, and thanks for all your thoughts!
Trisha
Trisha
Thanks for your reply. I will watch for the episode. We actually were going to try the bedtime routine also. My son is 9 and just can’t seem to stay in bed. He uses ALL the excuses. My 7 year old on the other hand never gets out of bed. We have one disadvantage and that is my son’s ADHD makes it difficult for him to “turn it off” for the night. We are going to try the no conversation when repeatedly puting him back in bed rather than the constant negotiations and frustration. We are just so exhausted by this time that like Jo has said many of times, we have to be ready to stick to our plan regardless of how tired we are. He responds so well to rewards and charts that we may incorporate a chart as well. It is all about consistency and as full time working parents we lack in that area some days. I would love to hear what modifications you tried with your children. I too share experiences with my friends so that we can all learn from each other what works and what doesn’t work. Friends are a wonderful blessing when it comes to the reassurance we sometimes need!
Jennifer
I agree with the words of encouragement and support. The single greatest compliment that my mom has ever given me was a few weeks ago… when she told me how much she admires my mothering and how honored she is to be a grandparent to my children and how she loves watching me be a mom and so on. It was very emotional and something I will treasure for a long time!
Jennifer -
I agree - consistency is so hard in our family too because of our schedules!
The modification I used was with our 2-year-old - a much different situation than your 7-year-old - but here’s what I did for what it’s worth!
Clara’s issue is she wants to be held or rocked downstairs on the couch instead of getting into bed. Last week I began telling her she NEEDED to stay in her bed after we did our books and teeth-brushing routine. I told her, “If you get up, I’ll put you right back in!”
After about 10 minutes that, I asked my bawling child if she needed a hug - she said yes, and collapsed on my shoulder!
I told her I would lay next to her for a few minutes and sing a song, IF she would lay nicely and not try to get up. It worked. I stayed 5 minutes or so, then told her I needed to go do some “cleaning up,” and I would check on her soon. She was out like a light.
The next night, she only tried to leave the bed a couple of times before giving in. After that, she didn’t even ask to go downstairs.
It’s definitely a compromise from Jo’s system - but I say WHATEVER WORKS!
Liz - what a wonderful thing for your mother to share with you. It’s amazing how much we as adults crave the approval of our parents - especially when it comes to how we’re raising our own kids! Thanks for your comment - maybe it will inspire someone else to do the same!
Trisha
Trisha, I appreciated your interview with Jo; I think she’s phenominal! My 19-year-old only child son loves her show, and asking questions about how we handled things with him; so her show really can be a family affair!
My husband and I found it VERY difficult to be parents - moreso than we ever expected (we were wonderful ‘Aunties’ but those kids go away! LOL!
I have 3 major rules that we lived by, and they are what got us through and him out of high school:
1) Always read up on age-appropriate behavior, but especially brain development. I had heard SO much about “Terrible Twos” but learned in advance that the main problem with 2s is that their brain isn’t wired completely, so that if an adult tells them to go get a ball, they have to literally stand there and think it out, “A ball … I see it … I need to move over to get it … to move, I need to walk with my feet … I need to pick up the ball by moving my hands … etc.” By the time all that happens, the adult yells at the kids for not doing what they told the child to do, and they scold the child for not getting the ball. The kid was going to, but the adult just didn’t give him/her enough time for a 2 year old! This rule also applies to teens … their brains are wired completely differently from adults, yet we ask them to perform as young adults.
2) Realize that you may need help. Counseling is a good thing. Meds can be the right thing. My son was totally driving me crazy, and the day I found myself saying that I didn’t want him to come home from school because I couldn’t deal with the stress, I knew it was time to get help. It turns out that he has OCD and ADD, and was driving himself nuts, too! He was put on meds, and his (and our) lives improved amazingly. A psychologist can be a wonderful companion for a child, as they are a non-threatening adult that the parents can talk to prior to an appointment and discuss concerns, and the counslor can be a safety valve for the child/teen when they need someone to talk to.
3) I read a LOT of parenting books. I finally came to the conclusion that no one author or system fit the needs of me, my husband and my son. So I learned to read what each said about any given subject, toss the books up in the air (not literally!), and make my own decision!
I hope some of this helps anyone reading … I’m very open about the struggles of parenthood, and hope by sharing our difficulties I can provide some positive motivation for others!