TRACKSIDE TRISH

Hi everyone!!

First, I have to second Todd’s comment that it’s easy to get caught up in all the excitement at the track. I was out there with my family watching qualifying last weekend, and again today for Community day. (Here’s my son Calvin - notice that although his little league team is the White Sox, I proudly wore my pink Cubs hat!!)

I have a few photos to share from Community Day at the RTV6 tent - here’s Renee, a devoted blog reader and contributor, and an IUPIU communications student. Thanks for coming to say hi!

This is a Speedway employee named Mary Jo who went way out of her way to let me know how much she appreciates our TV station. It means a lot to hear from people like her. I appreciate your enthusiasm, MJ! She’ll be working near Turn 3 Sunday.
Can’t wait for Sunday.

WORKING MOM QUESTION

A very sweet viewer named Alicia from Avon emailed me a question that really has my mind spinning. (Here she is with her husband and daughter 6 weeks after she was born)

I told Alicia I wanted to take some time coming up with a really thorough and honest answer, since it’s such a big and personal topic. Since it’s something many others have asked me about over the years, I thought I’d put my thoughts in this more public place. Sorry they’re not more artfully expressed, as always I am pushed for time so this will have to do!

Here’s the email Alicia sent:

Hi Trisha! I’m a stay at home mom and have been since my daughter was born 1 1/2 yrs ago. I may be returning to work outside the home full-time and i’m kind of nervous about it. Obviously, you are probably gone quite often being a news anchor. Though you’re probably used to it by now, in the beginning, how did you cope with leaving your kids behind while you worked? I’m asking you because every time I watch you on TV, these thoughts come to mind You may or may not get several contacts from other moms in the area with the same concerns and sorry to add to the list if you do. You also may or may not have time to respond to this email! haha In which I totally understand. Thanks for your time regardless!

Alicia

I’m sure Alicia had no idea what a big can of worms she was opening with her question! It’s something I’ve wrestled with, anguished over and written and reported about for the past 5 and a half years since I became a mom. (Calvin is now 5 and Clara is 2)

I’ll see if I can break it down into a few categories:

1. Accept Realities

Many of us, dads and moms, would love more time with our kids and less at work. Heck - many people WITHOUT kids would love to spend less time at work! The reality is, every family I know needs stable income and benefits to feel secure. When children are involved, there are choices to make. Who will work outside the home? What kind of hours will they work? Who will be with the children while parents are working? If your reality allows for one parent to stay home full-time, AND this is something that really appeals to you - GO FOR IT! But if not, focus on creative solutions to make working WORK better for your family.

In my case, my income and benefits are essential since my husband is self-employed. Instead of throwing my energy into feeling sad I couldn’t be home with the kids more, I threw it into creative scheduling. I sought out job situations where I worked part of my shift before the kids were awake or after they were sleeping, to get more waking hours with them. Don’t be afraid to ask for a family-friendly arrangement! Just make it a really good pitch that makes business-sense for your employer.

TV news runs on odd schedules, which is tough in some ways, and great in others. Right now, I get to spend mornings hanging out with my kids or volunteering at their preschools - something I couldn’t do on an 8-5 schedule. The cost is - no free time in the evenings, and less sleep than day-shifters. It’s a price I am willing to pay right now.

2. Know your parenting type

The problem is you can’t really know until you’re a parent HOW you’ll be affected. Some parents can’t wait to go back to work and need a break from their baby duties. Others bawl their eyes out at the thought of leaving their child for a moment. I was somewhere in between.

I would call myself parent who’s very”attached” to her kids as well as to the creative outlet I find at work.. I prefer to have lots of hands-on time with my kids, and wouldn’t be content spending any more time away from them than I do. On the other hand I think if I did stay home full-time, I’d find myself searching out other ways to tell stories and write. I can’t stop myself.

Alicia, it sounds to me like you might be interested in reading more about “Attachment Parenting,” a philosophy I’ve reported on in the past. Take it for what it’s worth - some of it may seem to extreme, but some of its components may be really helpful or validating to how you’re feeling.

3. Make your work worth it

There’s nothing more disheartening than saying goodbye to those little faces and going to work in a place that feels toxic and leaves you feeling drained. Being a parent makes me more passionate than ever about making my work count. I feel so lucky to have a career that excites and interests me. It fulfills my desire to make an impact on my community. At the very least, your work should leave you feeling appreciated and rewarded. Your time is too precious to give 40 hours to a place that doesn’t add something positive to your soul. If it doesn’t - search for greener pastures!

4. Little Moments Count

I remember when I first went back to work 9-6 Monday-Friday after Calvin was born, how long and hard the days were away from him. I would wake up with him at 7 and take him down to a park to push him in the swing before work. My husband brought in to the newsroom nearly every day so I could nurse him on my lunchbreak. and the moment I got home from work, he was in my arms until bedtime. No dishes, chores, or anything until after he was down. I would just absolutely drink him up.

Actually, I still do. It’s just that now he says “eew” and wipes my lipstick mark off his forehead. Remember that - there are only a few precious years before they start doing that. Make those years count.

5. Leave them in good hands

Before I get too long-winded, I would say knowing that my children are in good hands when I’m gone is also a great comfort. My husband is home with them quite a bit of the time, and when he’s traveling for work, I have a couple of unbelievably wonderful young women who help take care of them, and have become like part of the family.

I’ve also done all kinds of research to pick schools for my kids that will allow me to be really involved during my free mornings, since I don’t have afternoons to hang with them at home. Your gut should hopefully help tell you if you are putting your child in the right hands.

6. There is no “perfect” balance!

Don’t drive yourself nuts looking for it (like I often do) Whichever choice you make you will sacrifice something, whether it’s income, time with your child, career advancement, time to yourself, or sleep. Just decide what’s most important, what the financial realities are, and the best-case-scenario given what you have to work with right now.

Then shut down the guilt, and get creative to make your situation as sunny and simplified as possible.

I wish you luck in the decisions and transitions you’ll soon be making!! I have no doubt you will do what is best for your entire family, and find a way to make your new life exciting and good.

Take care -

Trisha